The Cacophony in My Head

Clashes and clutters

Of confusion and utter

Chaos that I try to leave behind

Lurking and ruthless

Perpetrator of distress

The cacophony in my mind

Of insults disguised as humour

A rock solid armour

But tears that build their home in my eyes

Silent yet deafening

Manipulative and threatening

The cacophony in my mind

Collapsing hopes and burning dreams

Hidden breakdowns and reticent screams

In crowds, I find myself desperate to hide

Haunted stories that live in my heart

Over a lullaby that seems so far apart

The cacophony in my mind

Blue waters now turning grey

People and smiles that don’t ever stay

The permanence I seek is so hard to find

Mazes and puzzles, so intertwined

I wonder if there is a melody behind

The cacophony in my mind

-Aanya Bhaduri

So little does everybody know about me

So little, do they even care about me?

Thoughts stay rent free in my mind

What to do, I can’t decide.

So many responsibilities to bearI fall apart with every tear.

So many expectations and

Not a single being to understand

What to do when there is

No one for you to stand.

“The promises were all fake”

“The people were all dreams”

The voices in my head yell and scream.

The memories are flashingthe scenes are traumatizing.

With each step,

My thoughts are taunting,

“End it, end it, end it…

You deserve it- The Pain,

Because of you every effort wants in vain.”

-Vidushi Kaushik

“I can tune it out” I believe

“I can not listen to it” I believe,

“I can fight it” I believe

But who am I fighting?

Fighting myself,

Fighting my voice,

It begins like a song,

Violins and a piano,

A melodious voice hums to the tune,

And then drums, and a guitar,

And the song sounds so perfect,

So familiar,

And then a bagpipe,

And a harp,

And a chime,

And a lyre,

Until that dulcet voice gets lost,

And all I can hear is a cacophony,

One of too many instruments superimposing,

just like my thoughts,

The ones that are meant to calm me down,

The ones that end up becoming too loud,

Louder than the faint murmur of my will,

Louder than the faint hum of that sweet voice that sings despite the overwrought instruments,

And I try my best to tune it out,

To not listen to it,

To fight it,

But who am I fighting?

I’m fighting myself,

My voice,

The one that’s always been there,

The only thing that’s always been there,

And somewhere along the way,

This cacophony became my new melody,

It’s not a song, it’s imperfect, insensible,

But its art,

And art isn’t supposed to make sense,

It’s supposed to make me feel,

And when I’m midst the overwhelming sound of what I was taught to hate but have learnt to love,

I realised this cacophony taught me to be,

To love the imperfections of art,

To love the faint melody in discordancy,

To love a mosaic by its shards,

To love a person by their faults,

To love a flower by its thorns,

Like loving a rose,

While bleeding against its thorns,

swearing each night to let it go,

But loving it more by dawn.

-Tansee Sugla

My head's a storm, a raging sea,

Of anger, hurt, and misery.

A cacophony, loud and raw,

A symphony of what I saw.

The world, a stage, a cruel display,

Where girls are told to smile and sway.

To be quiet, to be meek, to be small,

But I'm a fire, ready to fall.

They tell me to be nice, to be kind,

But the rage inside, I can't confine.

The world has broken, shattered my trust,

Leaving bitterness, a burning dust.

For every woman, every girl,

Whose voice was silenced, whose spirit unfurled,

I feel the fury, the burning flame,

A tempest of rage, I cannot tame.

My head a battlefield, a constant war,

Against the injustice, the rules they abhor.

I'm a lioness, trapped in a cage,

But my roar will break and turn the page.

This cacophony, it won't subside,

Until the world learns, and turns the tide.

Until girls are free, and voices rise,

And the anger in my head, finally dies.

-Hana Daniel

The alarm bells resound in my head

Filling my heart with unforeseen dread

The root of disdain

The piercing pain

How do I set myself free?

I try to think and think and think But I've pushed myself to the brink

The overloadedness is so overwhelming

I wake up in the middle of the night trembling

Is this who I want to be?

The omnipresence of this splitting headache

I feel a tremor worse than an earthquake

I wonder what's wrong with myself

The sensation of drowning in a delph How much more is there to see?

Though in the distance, a far off sight I picture myself taking flight

Then I come to observe my cowardice

I'm gonna start being my own accomplice

Maybe I can succeed?

-Aarush Jotwani

The noises, the voices all came suddenly

Which made me wake up early drowning in my thoughts,

Day and night i couldn't find a way to fight

Was I real or was it hallucination

All I knew was that I looked at everything with caution

I wanted it to stop

But the flames in my head were burning hot

They made me feel like I was failing in everything

All the negative thoughts kept echoing

I wish I could turn the thoughts into dust

And clean them away as positive thoughts are a must

-Anonymus

I sit tirelessly with my thoughts,

praying hoping it’ll be worth it all.

My thoughts d r i f t

Thunderously,

ready to strike like a boisterous bolt of lightning.

Am I good enough?

Hearsay step aside , to that devil on your shoulder.

You are MORE than enough

I hope you can see that,

Whether i have to say it once or a

million

million

million

times over .

Keep dreaming,

Your thoughts are truly a gift.

-Kamari Carter

This cacophony in my head,

Seems to never end,

I wonder while lying in my bed,

If the vicious stream of thoughts will ever bend,

Because the burden of a single thought,

Leaves my brain to rot,

It’s been quite a while,

Since I’ve had a peace of mind,

Because the passing time makes the cacophony grow vile,

I wish I could sit back and unwind,

And leave these irritating thoughts behind,

Memories are buried deep down,

And ambitions try to fly high,

But fears try to break them in the sky,

Tears stream down my cheeks,

Even though I try not to cry,

Fears chase me in the disguise of dreams,

Even when I sleep,

I wake up with a start,

Only to feel my racing heart,

I wonder if the cacophony in my head,

Will tear my brain apart

-Dhrishit Patel

ca•co•phony

tripping over the syllables as I try to read it aloud,

everything distracting,

a harsh discordant mixture of sound.

at the front of the class, fumbling with my words

I look up and lock eyes,

the room around me blurs,

the harshness disappears,

an erratic heart grows steady,

the butterflies in my stomach, replacing the weight that was growing heavy,

the gaze is like a quiet knock,

a permission into my heart,

it quiets all the surrounding sound,

lets me play my part.

I stop tripping over syllables,

your laugh calms my nerves,

the storm in my brain slows,

I can take the rest of the curve

cacophony,

the word spills from my lips,

there is nothing pulling me down,

you seem to be the cure,

for the discordant mixture of sound

-Kyra Grewal

Voices pulsate in my head,

weaving themselves through every vein,

echoing endlessly, a cacophony in my mind,

until the needle finds its way to the skin - a stinging,

crimson rains, ruby tears cascade.

Death is alluring, soft as my mother's lullaby,

I never fathomed that this day would come -

the war ceased and I fear that my fears have won,

the noise ceased but I remain,

adrift, like bodies on a lake, cold and static.

So I surrender myself to death's bittersweet embrace,

I stand before it, seeking grace,

Why does it abandon me like a father without a trace?

A ghost that leaves no mark, so I sit and ache.

-Keya Yadav

The quietest people with the loudest mind,

Where thunder rules over all kind,

A constant storm of whirly wind,

A truth of all mankind,

The wind like a thousand arrows of thought,

Pierces the soft-tissues of the brain,

Stretching, pushing, tearing and grappling,

The organ of intelligence that binds them in chain

And then when the breezes become winds, and the winds become storms,

They find another channel of escape,

The tongue shakes and the lips pry open,

The air quivers with rage,

The silent scream melts into the wall,

Heard by none but noticed by all,

Yet the storm remains un-ceased,

Like a stubborn weed refusing to heed…

But a poet’s mind out-speed the winds of thought,

The mind’s eye discovers an Achilles spot,

Every storm must have an eye,

A place of perfect stillness and reprieve,

Where wind cannot reach no matter its try,

It is here that one can hear the heartbeat hum,

Amidst the storm, the eye thrums,

It is here that a gentle song is born,

A symphony that drowns out the storm – the symphony of a being alive,

One that you can hear when you close your eyes.

-Rishit Shah

I open my eyes, then I blink.

Even if I wake up, I’ll later sleep

Then I started to think

That there is always a leap

That if I shrink

And I weep

I may later flick

A light into the deep

And light someone’s dark drink

Which, they think gleams

-Yusra Khalid Ahmed

My thoughts crash

like waves that keep going

Fear and doubt

are louder than anything else

and I just want a break,

a moment to breathe.

Everything inside feels tangled

filled with hope and worry,

all tied up in my chest.

I just want quiet

a moment to breathe,

but the noise keeps going

spinning me around.

Still, there’s a small voice

reminding me that maybe,

just maybe,

I can still hold on.

-Diya Malhotra

Among the chaos in my mind,

Solitude is all I try to find.

When days feel like years,

And peers are replaced with tears.

Time bends and wraps, then slips away.

Through this I want to convey,

Sometimes all you need is some melody,

To silence the enemy.

Dance with the shadows,

Escape from the arrows.

The ones you create yourself,

Like a dark elf.

-Zaena Lakhani

The Cacophony in my head

The cacophony in my head,

The thoughts and voices lay wide aspread,

Everyday feels like I need to rant,

“You suck” “you’re a failure”

Is my daily chant,

The cacophony in my head,

Not once do I feel like getting out of bed,

“Only two more minutes” as I look at the clock,

Thats how it is everyday, never a shock,

The cacophony in my head,

“Yes, no, wait yes! Wait no!”

Toss a coin and I still wouldn’t know,

Indecisiveness at its peak,

Couldn't choose even if I had a week,

The cacophony in my head,

The sun shines sometimes nice and bright,

Nothing frustrates me in my sight,

In the end were all okay,

Living on this earth, everyday.

-Anaya Thakkar

In the quiet corners where thoughts collide,

A jumble of whispers dances, wild inside.

Echoes of laughter, shadows of fear,

A cacophony rises, both loud and near.

Fragments of moments, like shards of glass,

Fleeting and fractured, they shimmer with light.

Some sing of longing, others of dread,

A chorus of feelings swirling in my head.

The ticking of clocks, the rush of the day,

Conversations forgotten, lost on the way.

Each note intertwines, a messy design,

Threads of my life, tangled and fine.

Yet in the chaos, a soft tune breaks through,

Whispers of hope, reminding me too.

In this loud jumble, a calm can be found,

In the cacophony's heart, peace can abound.

So I sit with the noise, embrace every sound,

For in this wild clash, true thoughts can be found.

In the beautiful mess, I search for the thread,

To stitch together the dreams in my head.

-Myra Chamaria