Oldest Child Syndrome

Being the oldest child often comes with early learning of responsibility, maturity, and a strong sense of leadership. While these qualities are always beneficial, they can also lead to a unique set of challenges known as Older Child Syndrome, which is often overlooked and misunderstood, explains the emotional and psychological struggles that older siblings may face due to their position in the family.

The Roots of the Syndrome:

● Early Responsibility: Older children often become parental surrogates, taking on responsibilities like caring for younger siblings, helping with chores, and even acting as a mediator between parents and siblings. This can lead to feelings of overburdenedness and resentment, as they may feel like they are missing out on their childhood. Sometimes the

parents leave the responsibility of the household and the younger sibling all on the shoulders of their older one.

● High Expectations: Parents, unconsciously or not, often place higher expectations on their firstborn. They are the first to navigate milestones, and their successes often set the bar for younger siblings. This can create intense pressure to excel, leading to anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Sometimes, even extended family puts pressure on the children, whether is taking over a family business or guiding their other siblings.

● Shifting Dynamics: As younger siblings arrive, the older child's position within the family dynamic changes. They may experience a sense of displacement and loss of attention, leading to feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Moreover, as and when siblings fight, the older child is moreoften than never, asked to be the "bigger person" or, "try to understand", simply because their siblings are younger than them.

● The "Good Child" Role: Older children are often praised for their maturity and responsibility, leading them to adopt a "good child" persona. This can suppress their own needs and desires, leading to emotional repression and difficulty expressing their true selves. In some cases, this might cause the person to lash out or have out-of-pocket behavior as they grow older, and do more risky or get into wrong things because they didn't get to experience it in their childhood and teenage years.

● Experiment children: Most first-time parents usually do not understand how to raise a child on their own, and experiment on their older children with ideas from books, and advice from extended family. This may cause the person to grow up and not know the root cause of their problems.

Signs that someone is the oldest child:

● Perfectionism: A constant need to excel and achieve, leading to high levels of anxiety and stress.

● People-Pleasing: A strong desire to please others, often at the expense of their own needs and boundaries.

● Over-Responsibility: T aking on too much responsibility, both at home and in other areas of life.

● Suppressing emotions: Difficulty expressing emotions, particularly negative ones, leading to bottled-up feelings and potential emotional outbursts.

● Low Self-Esteem: A sense of inadequacy and insecurity, often stemming from comparisons to younger siblings.

● Open Communication: Parents should actively listen to their older child's concerns and acknowledge their feelings.

● Realistic Expectations: Parents should set realistic expectations and allow their older child to be a child.

● Shared Responsibilities: Divide responsibilities fairly among all siblings, ensuring that no one child feels overburdened.

● Individual Attention: Dedicate quality time to each child individually, fostering a strong bond and providing emotional support.

● Professional Help: If the struggles are severe or persistent, seeking professional help from a therapist can provide valuable guidance and support.

-Saisha Kapoor